Which will bloom most constantly?

As Lizzie As Possible.

I also forgot to mention the pockets and tufts of fog I drove through on my way to Holly's. The world disappeared on the bridge across the Piscataqua — I didn't realize I was even on a bridge until the Google map lady welcomed me to New Hampshire.

I realize I'm dwelling on this journey quite a lot here, considering I was away from home for about 36 hours. That may be a reflection of the number of times I've left Maine in the past two years (TWO).

Still Life With Blueberry Oatmeal

Holly not only made me coffee when I shuffled downstairs in my pajamas Sunday morning, but she gave me this beautiful handmade ceramic mug too. 

Whirlwind

Home, after a really lovely quick visit. I forgot to mention ice cream in the blustery cold, watching Passing, and cat cuddles on the couch. 

It's easy to get distracted in Holly's kitchen by the river rushing past, just down the hill from her back yard. Also, the pleasure and ease of talking to someone who's known me for forty years is one of my favorite feelings. The drive home was brilliant, all of those softer, deeper miraculous November colors. I saw other autumnal sights along the highway, including:

• wild turkeys 
• a whole bunch of pumpkins someone had apparently tossed out of a car?

Almost forgot

My host

I drove to Holly's and we talked for 12 hours straight, punctuated by her feeding me delicious food and guest starring her two charming cats and her all-grown-up charming son Evan. Now I'm happily exhausted.

Here is the time for the sayable, here is its homeland.

The pandemic can apparently be blamed on...Maine lobster. 

Driving in the countryside on Friday, we passed a sign that said "Death and Breakfast." Halloween-themed B&B, I guess.

We also saw the White Mountains as we drove; I know they're wee as far as mountains go, but they always make me say "Oh!"

And then Melissa got married, which was the loveliest. 

See what I mean? The loveliest.

Oh! And then I got to join Holly and Maia for a drizzly outdoor breakfast, then rally for reproductive rights with them and my girl. I love how 100% of the people you see at such gatherings are wearing masks and giving you space. 

On Sunday, Adam and I went for one last dogwalk before he heads back to SF for a spell. And Zoë indulged me by helping me figure out my beautiful new game, which as it turns out is fun to play and also, birds. 

And then Clover got skunked. I always run out of bandaids and tylenol, but let me tell you, I am never without a quart of hydrogen peroxide and a box of baking soda. 

Living is no laughing matter

(Birgit Puve for The New York Times)
ALL OF MY GOALS ARE PRESENT IN THIS PHOTO

Gearing up for the month of November, when it's my tradition to write something in this blorg every single day. The summer was a rush of rabbit rabbits, apparently — and that's how it feels looking back, fleeting and sweet and bright. Oh, summer.

Changes

What a luxury to have a little time to prepare for change! Gus will die of lymphoma, but he is 100% dog right now, happy to walk and bark and eat and lie around in the yard and ride in the car and wrestle with Clover. He is receiving a few last chemo treatments, but they aren't too hard on his body. The last couple of nights it took him forever to work up the resolve to climb the stairs at bedtime (he's always always needed a running start). I don't know if the chilly weather is making him stiffer than usual (if so, I can sympathize). Anyway, it's sad to hear him crying as he tries to psych himself up to do it.

Mom and Dad are moving to North Carolina, and not to jinx it, but they got to have the bidding war of their dreams on their beautiful Cambridge condo. They came to stay for a week while all the open houses were happening, and I think aside from possibly a Christmas or two, it was the longest they've ever stayed with us. Despite my dad's motto about fishes and visitors and how they smell after three days, it was so fun.

The air turned so cold that I put the heat on Friday night for the extremely quick fly-by visit of Holly and Maia, despite the fact that there are still air conditioners in two windows and most of the storm windows aren't closed. Leaves turning, birthdays approaching, my favorite most bittersweet time of year.

Challenges

My weird work life sometimes throws up these challenges, and it's my habit to accept each one breezily and then spend some private time panicking about what I've committed myself to, before ultimately pulling it off somehow. It's so regularly terrifying that it feels like it should pay better. But probably it's good for me?

Creatures

Mark is out of town for a few days and Clover loves me more when he's away! My yard is full of little brown sparrows.

Would you like anything to read?

I made this gif for you.

make holiday GIFs like this at MakeaGif

I have been trying to be better organized about great articles I've read, books I'd like to read, pieces I mean to go back to later when I have more time. I'll let you know if I stumble on a great system for keeping track of it all. On helpful tip is less social media, more blogs and magazines and real books, but we all know how easy that is!

I recently read and enjoyed the old-fashioned paper books All You Can Ever Know by Nichole Chung and The Possessed by Elif "I'll read anything she writes" Batuman. Oh, also Asymmetry, which I'm happy to go back to with my virtual book club soon.

Mark and I have watched the first episode of Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat (which was FAT, not SALT, which obviously offends my sensibilities a little bit), and I really love Samin Nosrat and enjoyed everything about the episode except the graphic and possibly gratuitous pig-butchery that occurs. Anyway, several family members got a copy of her book last year at Christmas, including Isaac, and I read about half of his copy. And (to get to my point), this article about candy tasting by Samin is so fun. The caramels at the beginning reminded me of Holly, who adores them.

I love you, Jenny Holzer.

"Solastalgia is a combination of three elements: 'Solas' references the English word 'solace,' which comes from the Latin root solari meaning comfort in the face of distressing forces. But it is also a reference to 'desolation,' which has its origins in the Latin solus and desolare, which both connote ideas of abandonment and loneliness. 'Algia' comes from the Greek root -algia, which means pain, suffering, or sickness."

Red rain

Space heroes, Belka and Strelka
ITAR-TASS PHOTO AGENCY/ALAMY

It's raining and raining, making for slick leaf-strewn sidewalks and damp dogs everywhere. Holly and Maia breezed in and out of town, which was lovely, since one of my top five favorite things to do is talk to Holly while we drink coffee together.

Last night the dogs acted ferocious during our late walk, barking insanely at a passing dog as they twisted and lurched around me. I juggled damp poop bags, slid on wet leaves, maintained my grip on their soggy leashes. I did see a terrible outcome flash in front of my eyes, but we made it back without biting anyone, falling down, or running loose into the street, and thus counted it as a total success.

Nablopomo

Palczewski Suffrage Postcard Archive

Here we go, the month of November, in which I attempt to write a little somethin in this blorg every day, even when I've got nothing to say!

Today is November the second, and unless their plans have changed (i.e. their alarms didn't go off in the middle of the night), my best pal Holly and her daughter Maia are on their way to tour colleges in Maine, starting this very morning, with the college that is a mere blocks from my house. I have my fingers crossed that Maia loves this conveniently-located college.

Mark is out of town, so Clover is extra cuddly. It may be due to slight anxiety, but I'll take it. 

Tomato tomato

I'm forever advising people to keep a dream journal and not doing it myself. My dreams last night a few nights ago were dense, the kind that feel like they go on for hours. I was driving to Emily's house (which was in upstate New York), worried because I was late to her wedding AGAIN, and that while she forgave me for being late to her first wedding, she'd never forgive me for being late to her second wedding (to the same person).*

There was more, and more, and more, but that's what I remember now.

My co-worker got a shot of botox in a wrinkle she hated. You can't notice it at all (although I never noticed the wrinkle). She is so happy about it. She and I are almost exactly the same age.

I think I need want a store-bought haircut.

I made red lentil dal but substituted coconut milk for some of the water = comfort food.

I tried poké last night, and I am in love. I had spicy tuna, and it was a delicious bowl of deliciousness, with tuna, spicy sauce, edamame, crab, seaweed salad, something crunchy, brown sushi rice... That's my new desert island food choice, if it can be counted as a single food. 


*Truth=I was late to her wedding, six months pregnant, in a car with Mark and Holly, and the way I remember it, I changed into the one pretty maternity dress I owned (and which I wore to three weddings that summer/fall) in the moving car. We were late in part because this was pre-GPS, and the upstate New York road we were on suddenly just ended in a ROAD CLOSED sign, and we had to re-navigate using a paper map.

Three

Home again, after a happy/sad weekend, including a quick visit with my girl in Cambridge.  I drove there from Holly's house in Connecticut partially in a swirling sudden snowstorm, the kind that makes you grip the steering wheel a little bit tighter and constantly re-adjust the windshield wipers.

Now I've got a few days' worth of catching up to do. There is sun slanting through the window at a strange, post-Daylight Savings Time angle. There is snow in the grass, but there are also pink beach roses still blooming in the yard.

So Much

So many things have happened, all full of meaning and most a kind of beauty, but the majority of them fall into this "daily routine" category that is pretty boring to talk about.

My gift laptop died a sudden tragic death, and then from out of nowhere my sweet dad ordered a wee silver Chromebook for me to try out (I'll give him a chance to try it too--it's a small laptop that only works online, so no iTunes or Photoshop etc.). So far, the only thing that's been challenging is printing. I guess there's a way to do it, but I'll have to figure it out. Uploading photos is completely different from the way I usually do it, too, although Google Drive makes that actually quite simple.

There's the tech news of the month!

In cat news, I went to Holly's house for a few days. I consorted with her two Edward Gorey cats, learned how to make hammered silver stacking rings, ate delicious food, and hung out with her and her amazing, suddenly tall and grown up kids.

I love being with Holly and her family, and I will probably never stop being amazed at how it takes no time at all to get there and how lucky I am to have someone in my life who knows me so well and ALSO takes such good care of me. Speaking of being spoiled, I stopped at Mom and Dad's on the way, where I was treated to delicious food and good movies and a massage, among of course many other things.

Lulu was feeling frisky, thus blurry.

Meanwhile, back home, Gus hasn't been to the beach in a while because he is limpy. He's had leg/back/hip/something issues on and off ever since he came to live with us, but it usually passes after a couple of days and then he's back to wrestling and running with no problem. This time it doesn't seem to be going away, so we're taking him tomorrow for an x-ray. Poor boy, I know he misses his pals on the beach.

Also, my nephew sweetie Jonah came to visit us for a nice long spell. He is such good company, so easy and fun to have around. We took him art walking Friday night, and he helped with a video shoot on Saturday which may have been long and somewhat exhausting, but which resulted in some fantastic photos (by Mark). Here are a couple of stolen ones:

Ah, boys in boats, in Maine. On a beach, in August. And did I mention that I painted the living room, even its endless ceiling, even the copious amounts of trim and French doors and fireplace and mantle?

I am such a planner, not so good at actually following through on things, and I have spent weeks with paint chips taped here and there, veering back and forth between grays and blues and blue-greens and creams and whites. Finally, I just picked one and did it. Ahh.

Okay, friends, on with August.

Holly's House

I had the best weekend. A while back, I basically invited Emily and myself to Holly's house--I said, "whatever weekend works for you!" And my sweet sweet Holly welcomed us into her home, fed us, drove us around Connecticut, shared her family with us, told good stories, listened to our stories.

The drive was so quick. Emily and I talked the whole time, fueled by iced coffee and salty snacks. Above, please admire Emily's travel skirt. Although it has a pleated bustle in the back, and although I did actually take a picture of her butt without her permission, I hesitate to share it here. See what a good friend I am?

Holly cooked delicious food for us. She likes to disparage her own cooking, but I love to be fed by her. The cherry tomato and mozzarella salad above also had roasted Brussels sprouts in it. And below, behold her homemade granola, all fruited and yogurted, which was sublime.

Holly's kids are two of my very favorite people in the world. Here's Maia demonstrating how alarmingly large their kittens have grown. These cats are enormous (not fat, just large), and so loving and sweet. Also, they kind of look like they were drawn by Edward Gorey.

The three of us started our Saturday at Ikea, shopping and snacking, moving at exactly the same pace--ideal Ikea companions. I bought some perfect-colored bowls. By perfect-colored, I mean Melissa Crowe blue.

After filling Holly's trunk with Ikea loot, we walked around New Haven, browsing in bookstores and shops, drinking coffee, talking and talking. We stayed for dinner at Red Lentil, which was pretty great despite our waitress, who awkwardly made disparaging comments about meat eaters to my two meat eating friends. For example, "Are your kids probably at home eating pizza rolls?" Also, she called us "girls" about seven hundred times, and after neglecting us for a long time and seeing our water glasses empty, said, "Are you dehydrated? OH, I SUCK!" But the food more than made up for it.

Besides our outing on Saturday, we spent hours sitting right here at Holly's kitchen table. Emily crocheted (see above to be really amazed and a little jealous), the cats wrestled. I didn't ever want to leave.

before/After

Just kidding. No bathroom photos yet, and--no joke--we hereby begin day number six sans toilet. This post exists for two reasons. First, to share a photo of my favorite plumber at the hardware store (they've got a great bathroom!).

Hardware stores (big and small) smell so good. And they remind me of high school too, since my best friend's family owned the town hardware store and I spent many an after-school afternoon using the weird bathroom in the basement there, and coveting the bins of black O rings (like the ones Madonna wore as bracelets).

And secondly, I am using this post to experiment with bringing capital letters back into my life. I've been thinking about the grammatical/style/font things that drive me crazy, and the fact that there are undoubtedly persnickety people out there who would never even consider reading my blog because it is (typically) written in such a fey style, no capital letters and all. So. We shall see.

16

i am falling way, way behind with the daily novel writing, but i haven't given up yet. i imagined i would write every day at holly's house, but in reality when we got there each day i was so tired from strolling around college campuses and driving all over the states of new york and connecticut that i felt like i'd been doing manual labor for hours and i needed to just sit there, pretty much, and be fed by my best friend. there was one productive day, when i wrote about 1,000 words, but otherwise it was all i could do to keep up with my daily blog post.


in other news, here is a photograph for your entertainment of a highly offensive sign that bean and i saw in vernon, connecticut:

we travel on our stomachs

i mean, not literally, but...well, you'll see. bean and i returned home last night after the fabulous final college tour of 2009. we had a great time and saw some lovely college campuses, but the best part was going home each night to hang out with these sweetie pies:
























plus, of course, their dad and their mom, the amazing holly, who managed to cook us gourmet meals every night while in the midst of her busy weekday life (just for example, she leaves for work every morning long before the sun comes up). she also helped me finish up a secret crafty project that i've been procrastinating about for a long, long time. i can't wait to go back and stay with her when there's more time available for lounging around drinking coffee and talking, because she's one of my favorite people in the world to talk to. also, she makes the most beautiful jewelry you ever saw. i snuck and took a picture of her studio (soon to be expanded, since she's taking over the current "ping pong room"):
























so, day one was vassar, where i neglected to take any photos at all. bean and i found a nice spot near campus for tea called the crafted kup (not krazy about that kute 'k,' but it was a sweet little place). our tour was great, the highlight being the indescribably gorgeous library with a nearly floor-to-ceiling stained glass portrait of the first woman to receive a doctorate. bean liked vassar, although she still thinks she would prefer to be in a large city.

day two we toured bard - our guide was from pakistan and had the most charming accent. bard was absolutely lovely, right beside the hudson river, with views of the catskills off in the distance, and farmland all around. too remote for bean. also, the director of admissions was played by jane lynch. seriously. it was bizarre.
























there are many charming paths through the woods at bard.
























we drove to nearby rhinebeck for lunch at bread alone, where we had delicious white bean and escarole soup and an artichoke panini.
























friday was connecticut day - first, wesleyan, which bean really liked.
























our tour guide, rachel, had the adorable habit of closing her eyes for long stretches.* the campus was great, and the town of middletown had lots of cafes and restaurants. we got a private tour of the rare books room at the main library from susie cupcakes, and stopped in at the german department (bean's usm german professor attended wesleyan), where there were no professors to be found, although we had a nice chat with the department secretary.



















the best thing about wesleyan was the food at udupi bhavan, a southern indian restaurant we found nearby.
























we shared vegetable pakoras that were like spicy indian beignets, so tasty:
























and we each got a different type of masala dosa (they're actually not this huge, since they fold up around the filling to be about the size of a burrito). they came with coconut chutney and sambar, yum.
























next we went to connecticut college, where our tour guide just happened to be from portland, maine! we walked around in the pouring rain - it was raining so hard that it was difficult to even see what the campus looked like.
























on saturday, we were signed up for a full day at sarah lawrence, but we ended up cutting out early after a very long info session. the campus was lovely, and the people seemed wonderful, but bean was certain almost immediately that it wasn't for her; she wants a college with at least a bit more traditional structure, and preferably one that's larger.

on our way home we stopped at rein's deli in vernon, connecticut.



















bean had a veggie reuben and i had a potato knish.


and when we got home, look what was waiting for me:

























*all of our tour guides walked backwards except the one at wesleyan. "that's dangerous," she said.

vassar and bard

quickie report from the college field trip: vassar was gorgeous (oh my god, the liberry). bean was, unsurprisingly, not charmed by poughkeepsie. but she liked the school, and she's considering applying there.

bard was also gorgeous, in a very remote, little-buildings-in-the-woods-by-the-river kind of way. bean is less interested in applying there, mostly due to its location (kind of in the middle of nowhere). more details and photos to follow!

best of all, we are spending lots of time with holly and her family.

today we are sticking to connecticut - first we'll check out wesleyan, and then connecticut college.

final college tour 2009

today bean and i embark on a college wrap-up tour, cramming in a few more campuses for her perusal before the girl has to sit down and finish her applications, write all of those essays for real, and mail everything off. or, well, hit the "send" button on the common application, actually. she knows for sure that she is applying to

the university of chicago
barnard college
macalester college
and
the university of kansas

i wanted her to be able to see a few more, plus it's a great excuse to stay with holly for several days! so, day one (today), our itinerary is thus:

*get up super super early, hit the road at 5 am
*drive to poughkeepsie
*attend the vassar fall open house all afternoon
*drive to holly's house in connecticut

we have stolen our family's sole car, leaving m and boo with only their feet and their bicycles for transportation.* we will return to them late on saturday. more college details to follow!



*update: thanks to the generosity of mama d, those boys now have a car at their disposal!

more friends

my bestest friend holly came to visit for a few days this week, and she brought her amazing kids evan and maia with her. it's been a few years since they've made it up to maine from their house in connecticut, and it was wonderful to have them here. we managed to pack in lots of expeditions and still had plenty of time for lazing around drinking coffee while maia, evan, and boo played with our playmobil collection (maia calls the playmobil people "lillies," which i love).

one night we drove out pine point road to eat some fried food at ken's place (us vegetarian types pretty much dined on coleslaw and onion rings, while holly & co. had lobster rolls). there was also ice cream eating involved:



















evan and bean had root beer floats:
























we strolled around town, took the gang to arabica, and just about everyone picked out some yarn at knit wit for various knitting projects (have i mentioned that since bean got home from germany, she and boo are looking - adorably - like nordic twins? they are almost exactly the same height now, and have nearly identical hair! i need to take more of these "twin" photos before he grows taller. also, in this picture, evan looks like he could be their little brother).
























on wednesday night, we drove up to topsham to emily's house for a fabulous picnic. eva and nathan were there too, as was martha, pictured below with holly (i stole this photo from martha, in fact, since i neglected to document this gathering):



















it was over too fast! i missed them so much when i woke up this morning. holly forgot to dig up some lamb's ears from my garden before she left, so i am already scheming about when i can drive to connecticut with bags full of plants and dirt...

old friends

i have so much to say about this weekend, which i spent mostly* in connecticut with my dearest, oldest friend holly. we had recently gotten back in touch with two close friends of ours from high school (thanks, facebook!), and we made plans for a mini-reunion at holly's house, which is more or less a central meeting point for the four of us (i had the farthest to drive, but i also have the oldest children among all of us, so i'm pretty free and flexible in comparison to everyone else). i was a little nervous about meeting my friends karen and jen again after so much time (approximately - ahem - twenty years had passed since we last saw each other) - wondering if we'd have anything in common anymore, anything to talk about, even. it was a kind of magical surprise to see them, looking simultaneously exactly like themselves and also like beautiful, grownup ladies, and to realize as we hugged each other hard, with true feeling, and my friend jen even burst into tears, that we love each other, truly. that we share a history together, from a particular, strange time in our lives, and just how meaningful that really is, even after all this time.

we ate and talked and shared pictures of kids and siblings and we each summed up the last twenty years, and about six or seven hours flew by. it was quite amazing.

also, holly gave me a hair cut (seen above). i'm such a doofus that i didn't take any pictures except of my own head, in holly's lovely bathroom mirror. also, i got some cute kids to model those glasses for me. oh yeah, and here's a spectacular tree house that holly's husband val built in their back yard:
























*on sunday, i raced back to portland to experience some zombie kickball in the rain.

holly's etsy shop

my best, best, oldest friend in the world, holly, is an amazingly talented artist. her current medium is silverclay, which she uses to make the most gorgeous fine silver jewelry. she incorporates semi-precious stones and organic shapes, and the result is pretty much breathtaking. she recently opened an etsy shop: go check it out!