Should I big up my font like so?

His works, despite their ebullient palette, are frequently tinged with a melancholic yearning.

At the end of my dream last night, I was in a nightclub at a little round table, watching an older cabaret singer, who crooned this melancholy song:

There's no green anymore
There's no grass anymore
Where do dogs play?
Where do dogs run?

For a good time, call us

We've had two big old Nor'easters already this fall, and we had about seven small trees' worth of willow branches spread all over our yard to dispose of. We enlisted Jonah's help while we still have him (he's heading back to San Francisco in a couple of weeks after living with us for several months).

As I was flinging branches into this truck (we decided it looks like we're heading out to do the flowers for a high-end wedding reception), a candidate for mayor walked by, and I called out,"Hey! Good luck!" and now I'm worried that they might not have realized I meant in next week's election. What if they think I was just greeting everyone who passed by with, "Hey! Good luck!"?

Music of hair / Music of pain

This boy turned 20, and his sweet cousin Jonah turned 17, and the days turned sunny and warm enough for opening windows and grilling things and pulling weeds in the garden. Isaac is here for another few days before he heads back to live in New York for the summer (and possibly longer--he's taking the coming year off school). We all realized that the last five months marks the longest period he's ever spent away from home, the longest stretch of days that we haven't seen him in the flesh. It's so good to hug this boy and feed him food and have him drive us around town (he's determined to get his license this summer, and he's a good, confident driver).

I'm listening to this Hamilton podcast, an all-Hamilton, every-single-song podcast, and I don't like it very much so far. But I did just realize that it features different groups of people talking about the songs each time. These people...are very white. I don't know. I will report back. In the meantime, here are some people (of color) talking to Lin-Manuel Miranda on one of my favorite podcasts. And here are some people of different races talking about Hamilton on another of my favorite podcasts.

We finally invested in our own screenprinting equipment, and we have a whole shop set up in the basement, and Milo in Maine is printing its own damn shirts! It makes such a well-balanced work day when I can write all morning and print all afternoon: thinking and sitting work // standing and listening to podcasts and moving work. It feels good. And check out this bear.

My life is kind of bursting with other people's heartbreaks right now. Trying to be grateful for and conscious of my lucky lucky life.


WAIT

by Galway Kinnell


Wait, for now.
Distrust everything, if you have to.
But trust the hours.
Haven’t they carried you everywhere, up to now?
Personal events will become interesting again.
Hair will become interesting.
Pain will become interesting.
Buds that open out of season will become lovely again.
Second-hand gloves will become lovely again,
their memories are what give them the need for other hands. And the desolation
of lovers is the same: that enormous emptiness
carved out of such tiny beings as we are
asks to be filled; the need
for the new love is faithfulness to the old.

Wait.
Don’t go too early.
You’re tired. But everyone’s tired.
But no one is tired enough.
Only wait a while and listen.
Music of hair,
Music of pain,
music of looms weaving all our loves again.
Be there to hear it, it will be the only time,
most of all to hear,
the flute of your whole existence,
rehearsed by the sorrows, play itself into total exhaustion.

A flowery band to bind us to the earth

I've been fighting this cranky feeling lurking in the background of my general happiness the past few days. Just irritation and this sense that time is speeding by, but instead of feeling melancholy about it I'm annoyed. At people, too. ANYWAY, there have been many celebrations this month and there are more to come, so aside from a cyclical dip in fund$ due to various celebration-related expenses and a bunch of late checks (ahhh, the freelance life), all is swell.

Zoë graduated from Barnard College and Columbia University!! We made several voyages southward, moving both kids out of their dorm rooms, attending graduation ceremonies, feasting on Indian food that I still can't stop dreaming about, meeting the girl's friends and teachers and bittersweetly enjoying the neighborhood and campus and community she's loved so very much for the past four years. We are going to miss the fact of her being there, knowing how close she is and how content.

Isaac had a mixed year--a school year he's got mixed feelings about, that is, although academically I could brag like crazy about what he's accomplished. I'm happy to have him around this summer. For a couple of weeks we've got both sweetpeas, and after Zoë leaves for another summer in India, we'll have Jonah here too. Speaking of Jonah, today's his sixteenth birthday, and we zipped down to Cambridge last night to celebrate with Mom and Dad, Adam and Jeannette and Oona.

So, pointing myself toward the summer, my goal is to savor it. Just that, not to let it slip past because I'm distracted by busyness or whatever. I hope to dig in the dirt, work efficiently when I'm working, finish this kitchen project, stay up late, eat outdoors, play games, walk everywhere, pick berries, clean the windows and then open them wide every day.

Winner winner, banana cream pie for dinner

Banana pie/You are making me crazy...

Pi Day was a smashing success--everyone loved my pie despite the fact that it was a little messy, sliding around into a glorified pudding shape. Jonah had seconds!

You know, sorry to segue from pie into poop, but I have been losing my remaining faith in humanity lately. As things begin the melt-freeze-melt-freeze phase, it's increasingly clear walking around town that people are disgusting slobs, and have been letting their dogs poop hither and thither, not scooping. Giving all of us dog people a bad name, I might add. The long, cold winter is no excuse. It's just gross.

Twenty-six

Before the storm. Today was a houseful, Isaac's friends coming over and drinking all the eggnog, Zoë and Meghan happy but stressed, working hard. Jonah, Mark's mom, and I spent an hour watching old Ok Go videos, and also this again, which makes me cry every time:

Twenty-five

The day went from warm to cold, but stayed glowing gray. Mark and I finally cleared all the summery things from the yard, and then his mom and I quickly cleaned out the car before he drove to New York to pick up three kids and bring them back.

So now it's me and Jonah and Grandma Nancy and a dog and cat, in a clean, quiet house. Waiting for the travelers, waiting for the snow.

She bought us pumpkin ginger donuts this morning, and we sat in the park and ate them happily.

Twenty-three

Last night when I got in bed, Mark was so tired he said, "How's the furniture doing?"

We spent another day with our arms in the air, and we also realized we're two boards short (well, one board short and one didn't get stained right because there was tape residue or something on it). So tomorrow we'll obtain two more boards, and I'll stain them, and then we can proceed. Meanwhile, though, we have two of four lights installed!

(Also, Jonah and I ducked out this morning for a Tandem sticky bun, which is a marvel of baked goodness--there's a hint of orange and maybe cardamom, and it's iced with a very light touch, and every single bite of it is perfection.)

Twenty-two

The day went pretty much like this. Mark and I had our arms straight up in the air basically all day long, and as a result about half of our ceiling is up, nailed there, not going anywhere. Thank heavens (and our friend Mitchell) for this lovely nail gun. These tongue-in-groove boards are so long, and sometimes a tiny bit warped, and the tongues don't always want to slide nicely into the grooves. There is banging and hammering and shoving and stuff involved, all while someone (me) stands at one end desperately holding the board against the plaster overhead. And then there's the trimming and cutting holes for light fixtures and the weird, non-straight walls, etc (I do so love the smell of sawdust, though).

Anyway, we had a couple of bright spots in our day: first, picking Jonah up at the bus station, and second, getting Thai carryout. A low spot in between was having a carefully situated electrical cord fall out of a hole in the ceiling (long story). It took us an hour and a half, two unspooled wire hangers, lots of duct tape, and the long arms of a certain tall nephew to get the cord threaded from one hole up through the ceiling and back down through another hole. I can't even begin to describe the thrills and chills.

OH if you love Serial like I do, you might enjoy the meta wonderland which is Slate's weekly podcast about a weekly podcast. And you know what? Other podcasts are podcasting about it, too!

Twenty-one

One thing about painting rooms white is that it's super obvious when there is a spider hanging out where the wall meets the ceiling. I would like them to move along on their own, but this time of year I find myself accidentally on purpose murdering several of them.

Speaking of this time of year, next week is Thanksgiving! I know, right? We still have to clean up our yard of its summer accessories (grill, chairs, etc). At least I got all the storm windows closed before the latest arctic blast or whatever descended.

My sweetie Jonah arrives tomorrow for the holiday week, and then Monday Mark's mom is coming, and then Wednesday it'll be Isaac and Zoë and Zoë's petite amie! I am starting my manic cleaning routine, wherein I attempt to remove every mote of dust and speck of pet dander from Z's room, and we make sure we have enough pillows and blankets and air mattresses for every body that will be resting here.

Here is a gratuitous wet puppy picture.

Kiss kiss.

So Much

So many things have happened, all full of meaning and most a kind of beauty, but the majority of them fall into this "daily routine" category that is pretty boring to talk about.

My gift laptop died a sudden tragic death, and then from out of nowhere my sweet dad ordered a wee silver Chromebook for me to try out (I'll give him a chance to try it too--it's a small laptop that only works online, so no iTunes or Photoshop etc.). So far, the only thing that's been challenging is printing. I guess there's a way to do it, but I'll have to figure it out. Uploading photos is completely different from the way I usually do it, too, although Google Drive makes that actually quite simple.

There's the tech news of the month!

In cat news, I went to Holly's house for a few days. I consorted with her two Edward Gorey cats, learned how to make hammered silver stacking rings, ate delicious food, and hung out with her and her amazing, suddenly tall and grown up kids.

I love being with Holly and her family, and I will probably never stop being amazed at how it takes no time at all to get there and how lucky I am to have someone in my life who knows me so well and ALSO takes such good care of me. Speaking of being spoiled, I stopped at Mom and Dad's on the way, where I was treated to delicious food and good movies and a massage, among of course many other things.

Lulu was feeling frisky, thus blurry.

Meanwhile, back home, Gus hasn't been to the beach in a while because he is limpy. He's had leg/back/hip/something issues on and off ever since he came to live with us, but it usually passes after a couple of days and then he's back to wrestling and running with no problem. This time it doesn't seem to be going away, so we're taking him tomorrow for an x-ray. Poor boy, I know he misses his pals on the beach.

Also, my nephew sweetie Jonah came to visit us for a nice long spell. He is such good company, so easy and fun to have around. We took him art walking Friday night, and he helped with a video shoot on Saturday which may have been long and somewhat exhausting, but which resulted in some fantastic photos (by Mark). Here are a couple of stolen ones:

Ah, boys in boats, in Maine. On a beach, in August. And did I mention that I painted the living room, even its endless ceiling, even the copious amounts of trim and French doors and fireplace and mantle?

I am such a planner, not so good at actually following through on things, and I have spent weeks with paint chips taped here and there, veering back and forth between grays and blues and blue-greens and creams and whites. Finally, I just picked one and did it. Ahh.

Okay, friends, on with August.

collecting little kisses that are due me

this dog-of-the-day comes to you from christmas in carolina 2010. that's jonah, enjoying some quiet time with minnow, who is enjoying some quiet time with a tennis ball.

i am in that weird holiday stage of feeling like there are a million things to do, but not being sure where to start, exactly. i am organizing and baking and hoping that's what i should be doing.*

several days ago i purchased some boxes for mailing things at walgreens, and i had the following exchange.

cashier: oh! mailing some last minute packages?
me: no. no, it's december twelfth. it's only december twelfth.
her: oh.

i think i came across as kind of mean, which was not my intention. but i'd been thinking i was way ahead of the game. which, really, i was.



*i am working too, but i must admit i jump up from my work with great frequency to rustle around in the basement, or make a cup of tea, or mix up a batch of cookies.

follow me in merry measure

introducing charlie the dog, minnow's san francisco cousin and the newest addition to the family. my mom is visiting him (and his humans) right now, and she sent me a few snapshots.

he is a little guy, about ten pounds, possibly a jack russell terrier/chihuahua mix, with a big dog personality (according to my mom, and that's the ultimate compliment). i can't wait to meet him!

there goes summer over the hill

we had a bonus post-vacation week of sweeties, of dog walks and korean tacos and bubble tea and bookshops and movies and wading pools in the drizzly rain.

i'm certain that there's no one minnow would rather have spent his ninth birthday with. here, jonah and oona sing happy birthday while presenting him with a birthday-candled frosty paws (oona blew the candle out for him before he carried it happily away in his mouth).

katonah

my dad, isaac, and i handed the sweeties off yesterday in katonah, which is more or less halfway in between new jersey and cambridge. my family lived there for about nine years, from when i was eleven until i was a sophomore in college. it's not where i'm "from," but at the same time, it kind of is.

oh, before you continue reading this, you really should be listening to katonah by rufus wainwright. even though we weren't burying jack johnson or anything. still, the song is about katonah, and even mentions  "taconic" and "westchester," words that are not often sung about.

we had lunch at the katonah restaurant, which was a diner when i lived there (though it was always called the katonah restaurant). holly and i used to go there for fries and diet soda. was the wait staff always this cranky? i can't remember.





















we drove up wildwood road, past our old house. some of the houses look exactly the same (same names on the mailboxes and everything). ours is unrecognizable. i didn't take a picture because there was a guy out front working on something. there is odd siding and a pointy roof and a second story and a wide stone chimney where once was a basic l-shaped, flat-roofed ranch. there is still a day camp directly across the street (holly and i both worked there several summers. i could stumble out of bed in the morning, throw on my katonah day camp ringer t-shirt, and stumble across the street to work).





















 i went to katonah elementary for sixth grade. i learned to juggle there.





















i have blocked so many memories about john jay junior high (now middle school) that i'm not even sure if it looks different now. probably. i still have nightmares about trying to find the right bus in this circular driveway.





















and finally, a stop at my high school. and there you have it, the tour down memory lane! isaac was very tolerant about getting his picture taken in scenic locales and hearing stories about how what is now a pizza place used to be the other deli, also known as the "murder market," though i don't really know why. i pointed out the scenes of various crimes, my friends emily and eva's house, the house where "crazy esther" lived, the path through the woods we took to walk home from downtown, the things that are the same and the things that have changed. i almost feel sorry for people who stay in the same place, or maintain their connection to it consistently. because it's really fun to have the perspective of returning somewhere after years have passed.

last day with the sweeties

today is the last day; this afternoon i will drive them to cambridge, and tomorrow on to new york state, where we'll return them to their other grandmother. the sun came out yesterday, so we went to fort williams. i lined all the cousins up and told them to look serious.

 jonah was meditative.























 zoë was glamorous.























 oona found a rock that curiously resembled a letter B, which inspired us to create a font from rocks.























 some letters were more challenging than others.























 we went to otto for lunch. jonah and oona gave their pizza two thumbs up, though oona thought the sauce was a little too "bunchy."























 and then, bubble maineia! jonah, isaac, zoë and i had bubble teas, and oona had some ice cream. we walked all over town and all the way home.























 buddies.























 aspiring farmer with a farmer's tan.























 last night we had another little bonfire and made s'mores. mama d came over briefly and commented that this is what life would be like if mark and i had had five children. if that's true, i wouldn't mind it one bit.

a couple of sweeties

day one with two of my very favorite sweeties, robot and pink (or should i unmask them, too? oh, okay: they are really jonah and oona, my bruddie's kids). mom and dad picked them up in vermont, where they were spending a couple of days with their other grandmother, and mark, isaac, and i met them in portsmouth for a sweetie hand-off at the friendly toast.

we ate some delicious cheesy fries and other treats, but jeeze their prices have gotten so high. granted, their portions are humongous, but still. i'm becoming more of a silly's fan all the time.






















jonah and oona said their goodbyes to mana, pop, and lulu, and then we drove (via a very long, scenic coastal route) home to portland.






















mark and oona made a perfect fire in the fire pit.






















 yay, lighting things on fire!






















all day today it's either been rainy or that strange hot-cold-humid that makes you want to go see a movie. i took the sweeties to see toy story three, which was awesome. it was really really funny, until the end when it was incredibly sad. i can't remember the last time i didn't cry at a pixar movie (oona kept me company and cried a little too).






















 tomorrow, i'm hoping for a little sun, so we can take long walks and maybe take a picnic to the beach!