There's a vaper on the road / his brain is squirming like a toad

As I attempt to divert things to this blog that I otherwise might have Twittered or BookFaced, I have to announce that I just sang a song of my own invention to two dogs and a cat, inspired by a human I saw walking past my house. Just a little tune I like to call Vaping in the Snow, to the tune of this:

La di da di dum

Trousers rolled, etc.

I spend what's no doubt a ridiculous amount of time mulling over what's good about growing older (versus the often all too obvious things that are NOT GOOD* about it). I think I do this for my ownself and also in some way for my kids. Whether they ever ask me about it or not, it's one of those strange (horrible?) parenting things. Like when they were just old enough for the terrible realities of life to hit them, wanting to be honest-but-optimistic somehow: Yes, death is a thing. BUT...life is so great! YES, climate change. BUT...um? YES, getting older is achy and weird, BUT!

Anyway, as I age, I was starting to say, there are some things that get better, or that at least change in a way I find delightful. One of these for me is the intensity of individual sensory moments. Just really simple things, like a bite of delicious food, the way a shaft of sunlight falls on the floor, the smell of my unlit maple candle as I walk past it, the feeling of the hot water on my skin as I step into the shower.  I notice these moments all day long, pretty much every day, and it's a relatively recent thing, at least this intense noticing. It's hard to feel down or gloomy for long when every tiny event in my day has such potential to briefly overwhelm me with feeling, with sense.

Today, for example:

• Gus's brown eye, looking me directly in the eyes. When I say, "Gus," he's (somewhat) trained to make eye contact with me. I mean, he's doing it for the treat, but still!
• The smell of that candle is crazy. I love the delay between smelling it and realizing what it is I'm smelling.
• The first sip of coffee with the last of the cream. I worried about getting it right, new coffee beans. I got it right.
• The upper left hand corner of the kitchen window at 1 pm. Fairy lights on a thin brass cord, the willow tree's dancing shadow against the glass. 

As I'm taking time away from social media, well MOST of it, where else can I put this but here? CLICK ON IT.

*I started to make a list of all the NOT GOOD things down here, but that's no fun

Is This Real Life?

I had this dream that Tromp won. No, I really did, about a week ago, and I woke up in a knot of anxiety--for that single moment, it hit me how bad it would be if he won the election. The next time I felt that feeling was sitting in front of the TV at our friend Mitchell's house, after what started as a cheerful election viewing and burrito party. I don't know what time it was--9:30 or 10:00, I guess--when I found my hands pressed against my face, my body curled forward, a low moan coming out of my mouth. We all stared in disbelief. He hadn't won yet, but it was clear what was happening. Even after Mark and I came home and climbed in bed and managed to sleep a little bit, part of me thought

1. It was a dream, it was all a dream
2. Something miraculously happened at the very end to change the outcome
3. Or..? I don't know, I don't know


But there it was on my phone in the morning, sent by the New York Times to my email in-box. I can't type it, but you know what I mean.

[There's the dream where the bad guy wins and a chill settles: he's a bad, bad guy. He is surrounded by badness, he is supported by evil ugliness. And his HAIR. And...]

Then there's the dream Mark had the other night where he could text emoji to Zoë and Isaac that were edible--little pink cotton candy and stretchy salt water taffy emoji! Edible, so cute! I really, really wish that dream came true.


("David After Dentist" idea borrowed from Meg Rooks.)
("Tromp" borrowed from Elias, age three.)

HOOOONNNNKKKK

 I am incapable at the moment of doing anything with the word "pixel."



Um, it's that little square

those little blurry squares when

you know how a picture

you know when you're watching Downton Abbey on Netflix and it separates into, like, little

a picture is made up of separate pieces and


See what I mean? I have a job that requires a fully functioning brain.

Unstable Mass of Blood and Foam

Weather report: cold and bright with a 70 percent chance of sparkles.



I have done this test on my self and learned that I am not very evolved. I am basically a lemur.



My self vs myself. Also, why would you say this: "people like myself" instead of "people like me"? I am trying hard not to be such a prescriptivist, truly. I think it's a question of aesthetics as much as anything. Ah, the lonely life of a grammar guerilla.

Twenty-six

Before the storm. Today was a houseful, Isaac's friends coming over and drinking all the eggnog, Zoë and Meghan happy but stressed, working hard. Jonah, Mark's mom, and I spent an hour watching old Ok Go videos, and also this again, which makes me cry every time:

Eight

I just finished five days of black and white photos on Instagram. It was fun--my pictures are usually all about color, even if it's subtle. So it's good to think about light and shadow and composition (sorry, that's all a little pompous when I'm talking about iPhone 5S "photographs."). Anyway, this is the windowseat, and the upstairs hall looks way better in black and white than in real life.

Sunny, cold November Saturday: tea and toast, cat and dog. I'm not letting myself listen to NPR, but instead have soothing Pandora stations going. I'm waiting for Mark to get home with a carload of wood that we're going to fashion into a kitchen ceiling, one way or another.

Self-portrait with two sweaters and coffee.

Can you even believe it's already two-sweater season? I am having a hard time anticipating the Arctic Blast that's forecast for next week, when I'm not at all organized yet as far as long underwear and gloves and so on. I'm not ready.

You know what makes me happy? Knowing that right now Zoë and Isaac are sitting together in a cafe in New York working on their papers and pages of reading. They've spent more time together this fall than they have had the chance to do for years, and that makes me so content, just thinking about it. I miss them less when I know they're together, somehow.


Also making me happy:

: : the Serial podcast, suspenseful as any good crime drama or mystery, and I'm a fan of Sarah Koenig.
: : my fidelity, always always, to the Oxford comma. Isaac lets me proofread his papers sometimes, and I start by making sure the commas are correct (they usually are).
: : anticipating the new Decemberists album.
: : where they at doe?

Sprinkles

I forgot to show you why I'm still finding sprinkles/jimmies all over my house, weeks later.

 
Frontier Ruckus - Careening Catalog Immemorial [Official Music Video] from Budget Fabulous Films on Vimeo.

boo's freaky eye trick

that's my boy!


Eye! from mh on Vimeo.

courage campaign

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

okay, tears are pouring down my face now after boo made me watch this video (he knew that would happen). please go check out the courage campaign site and sign the petition to invalidate prop 8.

together as one

i am loving this mashup by dj earworm. it seems apropos, doesn't it? plus, watching the video reminded me of the huge crush i had on larry mullen, jr. back in the 80's. he used to be so pretty...now he kind of looks like kevin bacon.

alphabet of nations

this is so amazingly wonderful -- i love they might be giants, and this song is one that bean absolutely would have memorized if it had been around when she was about six or seven (just as she, and her baby brother, memorized every single song on this tape). plus, it brings to mind all the world travelers in my life.