Opposite day

The opposite of a gratitude list, or as Ganching might say, "minuses."* 

• A man at Whole Foods sort of walked "through" me several times in the produce section. I have never felt more invisible! He'd be like, "Woah, excuse me!" after basically stopping right in front of me as I was striding purposefully, or the opposite, where he'd realize he was about to walk into me at the very last minute. I'm sure it wasn't me, it was him, but still.
• If you're on your phone, looking down at it, as you pull up to or through an intersection, or go around a corner, while driving your fucking car, you make me feel like an elderly person because I believe it's my duty to scowl at you.
• My boots smell like cat pee.**

*She always pairs them with "pluses," though.

**Theo has nothing to do with it. It's actually just "wet boot," but it's reminiscent of cat pee, which is actually another vivid memory-spurring scent, back to the basement of friends just a few doors down from our house when I was in fifth grade and we'd play down there. It seemed very cool (I think there was a "bar" in the basement), but boy did it smell like cat pee.

Complaints, lodged

Just out here accidentally oxidizing my silver rings with stinky chemical depilatory product. And you?

I have the hand skin of a 1000 year old woman, and I'm at that point in the winter when

• I'm allergic to every possible hand lotion, meaning contact dermatitis that looks like a poison ivy rash and yet
• My skin is so dry my fingertips are cracking painfully

I have Googled the hell out of "itchy scalp," and this is my favorite answer.

What Freezings Have I Felt, What Dark Days Seen

It's a shivery, blustery day. The kind of day a person might think, "Some people live in the desert. Some people live in Florida. Some people live places where spring starts to show its face in February, where flowering trees are what March is all about." I'll admit, I feel a little complainy today as I watch the flurrying snow blow sideways past the window and huddle in my warmest wooliest sweater wishing we had more pellets for the stove. Drinking so much tea, for the hot cup in my hands.

A few days ago I bought flowers at Trader Joe's,* and after I put my groceries in the car and returned my cart, I came back and didn't recognize my car because there were flowers in it.

If you look carefully--really carefully--at the photo above, you can see there's a cat in it.




*Also, I had my favorite cashier at TJ's, the one who finds any excuse he can to give you a high five.

Rabbit rabbit!

If March had a tagline, it might be "Well, it's better than February."

Crystal Anniversary: I Got You a Unicorn Figurine, Portland

I keep starting to write a blog post and realize it's basically nothing but a list of wintry complaints, so then I delete it because that's just...so bad.

It's our fifteen year anniversary of moving to Portland! This is the longest I've lived anywhere--in one state, not to mention one house. When we moved here, the Bean was only six, and Isaac was going on three. So little. I really do love Portland, and Maine, and have friends I love here, but sometimes I feel like my attachment to this place, this house, is tenuous. Like, we could pick up and move easily. But then I think about all the crap in our basement, and how it probably represents much more heaviness and attachment then I'm letting myself acknowledge. And anyway, for now, we're not going anywhere. Also, while I wouldn't miss my neighborhood much, I would miss this ocean if we left it.

The winter is stealing my words. I need a news/information cleanse, probably, because I keep Googling things like "buy an island" and "remote farmhouse."

Today I was thinking "My get up and go has got up and went." Maybe what I need is a hunk of cheese.


Yep. Basically, my ten gallon hat's a-feeling five gallons flat. And yes, I can eat cheese on my Very Special Diet.

BUT, okay, here we go, almost halfway through February, and I got to spend a January weekend in New York with Ellen visiting Zoë, who's back at school in these United States, luxuriating in a fancy hotel room (thanks to David and Ellen!), drinking good coffee, eating good food, ducking out of the cold into cozy shops and museums and cafes. It was so lovely.

I've seen tons of movies and read many books already in 2014. See sidebar for details! Not listed there yet is my beloved pal Melissa's poetry chapbook, Girl, Giant, which I am savoring like a box of very expensive, beautiful handmade chocolates. It sits by my bed making me blissfully happy. Movie-wise, my goal is to see all the Best Picture nominees and then as many of the others as I can. Mom and I are hosting another intimate* Oscar party in a Boston hotel room with a TEE VEE and CABLE. Come and join us for a sleepover, unless you're afraid our snoring will keep you up all night.






*possibly just me, Mom, and snacks.

Something Sublime and Something Kind of Crappy

The very good:

This movie. I've seen it twice now (today at the Nick with my girl!), and I liked it even more the second time. It is so beautifully acted, complicated and fascinating and a little sad, perfect to look at.


And the mildly bad:

I really didn't like this book. I'm so bad nowadays at book reviews (too many college literature classes is my excuse). I think, despite the fact that I believe that thing about how Stephen King is actually a good writer 
because of some essay I read by him a long time ago, that I just really hate his style of writing. Following is a list of just a few of the stylistic tics that drove me crazy:

*A character who repeatedly refers to herself in the third person.

*Many, many people speaking in dialect -- Maine dialect, Florida dialect, Texas dialect, and generic "black person" dialect. Ugh.

*Terrible sex scenes that made me embarrassed for everyone involved (and "poundcake" as a cute pet nickname for sex).

*A time traveling (from 2011 to 1958) main character who is supposed to be in his 30s but who speaks and behaves like he's in his 60s. For example, when he messes up and sings a song from the future, it's a Rolling Stones song from the 60s. He mentions missing his cell phone exactly twice. He describes getting online thusly: "I got on the net--my heart beating so hard it sent dots flashing across my field of vision--and called up the Dallas Morning News website." All of that, to me, says OLD MAN Stephen King.

*Every character in the book speaks in the same voice (with the exception of Sadie, who refers to herself as "Sadie" ad nauseum).

*A reference to Carolyn (sic) Kennedy.

*A reference to those famous snowtroopers (sic) in Star Wars.

*It bugged me so much that he called a jump rope a "skip-rope."

I could go on and on, but I won't. Something kept me working at this book, certainly, because it's long and I finished it. I started to say it was an interesting plot,* but I think it's more about the fact that I hate giving up on books (movies, too), and I almost always persevere, even if it's just to complain bitterly when I'm done.


*I did kind of like his time travel device.

twenty-two

i would like to report in an extra-calm voice that when i returned from a nineteen hour trip to the grocery store with my seventy-five bags of food, this is what my (previously) clean dining room looked like:

that table there is the one on which i plan to serve thanksgiving dinner. yep.

also, when i was driving i saw this!*




















*calm down, i was at a stop light.

nine

hey, if you are a fan of breaking bad you might want to listen to this insider podcast (but be warned, it's chock full of spoilers!).

also, did you know there is a contest to win a walk-on part on the show? weird.* and a four-day trip to alburquerque. no, really. also, i spelled albuquerque right on the first try. and yes, i entered.

this gets funnier every time i watch it. mostly because i have observed isaac do nearly this exact thing.

i have also been watching parks and recreation lately, usually while i sew many scarves for this year's close buy catalog order. gosh, i love amy poehler.

i thought about having this post be a list of nine complaints, but i could only come up with four (and two of them were driving-related, which is particularly boring to read about). the first had to do with comic sans. come on, everyone. educators, especially. comic sans is not "fun." let's have a little dignity. also? learn to love the BCC option when you're sending school-related emails to hundreds of people. oh, i though of another one! you don't write a "blog." you write a "blog post." or you "blog," verb, though i'm partial to "write."

enough complaints.




*because...can you imagine what that part might be? a dead and partially dismembered body? a car wash customer? a dominican laundry worker?