Complaints, lodged

Just out here accidentally oxidizing my silver rings with stinky chemical depilatory product. And you?

I have the hand skin of a 1000 year old woman, and I'm at that point in the winter when

• I'm allergic to every possible hand lotion, meaning contact dermatitis that looks like a poison ivy rash and yet
• My skin is so dry my fingertips are cracking painfully

I have Googled the hell out of "itchy scalp," and this is my favorite answer.