Pity those who have not thick mittens

It must be 2019, because

• I just spent my Christmas $ on a bottle of CBD oil*
• I cooked a Certified Humane chicken breast for my dogs last night
• You can spend $60 on 12 stickers that you stick upon your body if you so choose. These stickers are programmed with specific sub-harmonic frequencies to target particular lifestyle concerns. In other words, each sticker is a vibrational energy disc designed to help people achieve harmonic homeostasis. "Wait, what?" you ask? Well, let me clarify: Through a proprietary technology, frequencies are recorded, condensed, and stored within the sticker, in much the same way that you would save a file to your computer’s hard drive. When the sticker is properly applied to your skin, it begins broadcasting the stored frequencies, which may influence the cells in your body. 

*My friend, do not conflate my bottle of CBD oil with "Body Vibes" body stickers. They are not at all equivalent, except for the fact that they are available for purchase in the Year of Our Lord 2019.